The Only Way Through is Through.

We’ve all heard it before… the only way OUT is through. Or as my brain makes more sense of it, the only way THROUGH is through.

Conflict. While uncomfortable. Is so much more excruciating and painful when it is combatted. Like, not even ALLOWED to enter into the living room. Because when it’s not acknowledged, it’ll stay there pawing at your door like a determined hungry cat. Reminding you of its presence.

Conflict brings up within us SHAME. Which has the same feeling as monstrous heartbreak. The same physical affect as a stress so severe I believe it is the root of many heart attacks. Shame that some how the way we are— our BEING, our Sex, Our Gender, Our Behavior, Our Race, Our Class — whether we blame ourselves for it or not — is cause in the matter of some huge pain.

At our deepest core, we want to beautify the world, be loved, be a good force. We want to matter. And this shame seems to say to us that WE DON’T. And facing it, can feel the ultimate admittance of this. So no wonder we try to deny its BEING there.

However, and as said above, the only way through this quiet pat-patting or loud honking SHAME that comes up during times of conflict {which is UNDENIABLY the political social economic sphere we currently find ourselves in} is THROUGH. Is through talking through the nitty gritty shame. Being brave enough to admit it’s there. Brave enough to admit the prejudice’s it has caused within us. Brave enough to share about the self-sabotage we’ve endured because of it. Brave enough for IT to be a source of vulnerable relating.

Conflict may in fact BE that resource in our relationships. The healing. The way to bridge the divide.

At LooksGoodOnYouinc, my new conflict resolution brand of apparel and goods, it is my believe that healing the divide happens one conversation at a time. That the topics of the day that cause the most division, need discourse in small doses in order for there to be real conflict resolution and understanding of the “other’s” experience.

In the topic of feminism, I have found that Feminists have FELT shame, at some point or LONGER, for being exactly who they are, shame for the way they’ve coped. Because something in SOCIETY convinced them that they were not worthy. And whether they believed it for a moment or not, or longer, the Shame that they felt they had to cram themselves into a box that wasn’t theirs in order to survive, or to live “right” is pretty universal. On the other end, those opposing Feminism, do so because they feel SHAME around the fact that merely being who THEY are, that they are being blamed as the cause for someone else’s displacement.

This holiday, and as we bridge this year with the beginning of 2017, what I wish for all of us, is to consider conflict differently. To take some action, large or small, in using conflict as a resource in our relationships. As a way to deepen them. Because while many of us can say that conflict has been a messy part of our closest relationships, we can also usually admit, that it has been a source of some juicy juicy connecting as well.

And if ANY of you are specifically seeking an actual invitation to HAVE these conversations with loved ones or friends about the conflicts we face currently. Please message me. I have some projects for you.

The premise for TWO of them are below:

1. I am gathering audio and stories from one on one conversations between opposing sexes/genders about what it currently means for you to be a man or a woman or other in this current time.  Healing sexism I truly believe takes this sort of activism and an engaging of the “other.” An invitation for Men to join this conversation and for all to experience compassionate listening.

2. My rockstar powerhouse, so in awe of all she is, friend, Nik and her friend Jessica, are gathering audio and stories as well. For a project called the 53%. About being a white woman, about Donald Trump, and about given and chosen family. Exploring the WHY behind the statistic that 53% of white women in America voted for Donald Trump.  For more info on this click here.

Much love to you.


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